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Анекдоты и приколы о Джеймсе Бонде

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Мда.http://forumupload.ru/uploads/0000/1e/57/2667-1.gif Хтож его так.А вообще смешно :D (дались им его уши)


о боги, это не может быть ОН  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:


вот тебе еще один ушастик


о, этот прикольнее, почти в технике кубизЬма  :D  :good:


Я рыдала  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

The True Facts About Daniel Craig:

1.Daniel Craig knows where you live. And he will kill you

2.Chuck Norris doesn't win because he's so tough; he wins because Daniel Craig lets him.

3.The Americans has Chuck Norris, The Chinese has Chow Yun Fat, The British has Daniel Craig

4.He doesn't need to fly. He only needs to walk through walls

5.if you [censored] with either James Bond or Daniel Craig, he will steal your car, steal your wife, and blow up your house

6.Daniel Craig will kill any man who appears in stairs!!

7.Don't ever scratch Daniel Craig's balls, because it's full of metal spikes and has an alarm trigger which could make your best friends to kill you.

8.If you beat Daniel Craig at a poker match, ninjas will come and kill you.

9.Daniel Craig doesn't need Q. he is a gadget!

10.Daniel Craig doesn't need a house. Everywhere he is is his house!

11.If Daniel Craig was in Moonraker, he would have taken that Moonraker space shuttle and ride it straight into Hugo Drax's [censored]. Then, he would invite evryone to party in the Bahamas!

12. Daniel Craig can only see three colours - black, white and blood.

13. The credits of Casino Royale are actually a list of people afraid of Daniel Craig. Himself included.

14. Playing against Daniel Craig in Poker will make you cry blood.

15. There was no need for Daniel Craig to read CASINO ROYALE before deciding whether to do the film. He simply assumed - correctly - that it would be more or less based on many of his own experiences.

16. Daniel Craig does not vote. He knows that whoever gains power will do as he asks.

17. Based on decades of literary and cinematic tradition, the character of James Bond has dark hair. Daniel Craig thinks otherwise.

18. Daniel Craig's not blond. You're blond !!!

19. Roger Moore flips his car once. Well, Daniel Craig flips his car 007 times & gets his balls beaten. Afterwards he's like nothing happened.

20. Schwarzenegger was the Terminator. Well, he's now an old man, and Daniel Craig beats the livin' [censored] outta him !


ВЕТРЕННАЯ написал(а):
ВЕТРЕННАЯ написал(а):

вот тебе еще один ушастик

Да да :good: Гораздо оригинальней первого :lol:



* Daniel Craig does not sleep. He waits.

* Daniel Craig is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

* The chief export of Daniel Craig is pain.

* If you can see Daniel Craig, he can see you. If you can’t see Daniel Craig, you may be only seconds away from death.

* Daniel Craig has counted to infinity. Twice.

* Daniel Craig does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Daniel Craig goes killing.

* Daniel Craig doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

* Daniel Craig is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a !&$%ing Indian.

* In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Daniel Craig, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

* Daniel Craig once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Xenia Onatopp while she was having sex with a Canadian general..

* Crop circles are made by Daniel Craig for the MI6 and is a way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the !&$% down.

* Daniel Craig is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Daniel Craig out. It failed misserably.

* If you ask Daniel Craig what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he blows up your house and burned your face.

* Daniel Craig drives an Aston Martin DBS covered in human skulls.

* Daniel Craig sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Craig shoots the devil in the face with a PP9 and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Daniel Craig allows to live.

* Daniel Craig once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

* Daniel Craig is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in Madagascar.

* Daniel Craig doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

* When Daniel Craig sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Daniel Craig has not had to pay taxes ever.

* The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Daniel Craig's elbow.

* A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Daniel Craig and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

* Daniel Craig will attain a British Isle statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

* Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. DANIEL cRAIG jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

* Daniel Craig originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused the opponet to spontaneusly combust. When asked bout this “glitch,” Craig replied, “That’s no glitch.”

* The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Daniel Craig played in Eton.

* If he was Bond in Goldeneye, Daniel Craig will shot down the Goldeneye with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

* Daniel Craig once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Daniel Craig re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

* CDaniel Craig has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

* Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that UMP9 aren’t the best weapons to shoot someone in the leg. When the film Casino Royale ended, it has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

* Contrary to popular belief, Britain is not a democracy, it is a Craigtatorship.

* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Daniel Craig once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

* Daniel Craig is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Daniel Craig

* Daniel Craig is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

* Daniel Craig can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.

* Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Daniel Craig instead decided to parkour his way out of his mother’s womb.

* If you say Daniel Craig’s name in Mongolia, the people there will take a Walther P99 and shoots you in the chest in his honor. Their shot will be followed by a UMP9 carried by none other than Craig himself.

* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Daniel Craig.

* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Daniel Craig could use to kill you, including the room itself.

* Daniel Craig can touch MC Hammer.

* During Eton, Daniel Craig doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

* Daniel Craig once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.

* Daniel Craig is 1/8th Scottish. This has nothing to do with Sean Connery, the man ate a !&$%ing Scot!

* Daniel Craig always has sex on the first date. Always.

* Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Daniel Craig. Not to be outdone, Daniel Crraig invented the car flipping accident.

* As a teen Daniel Craig impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the Jose Mourinho, the only undefeated and untied manager in English football history.

* Daniel Craig once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more %&$%@$%&$?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.


Betina написал(а):

7.Don't ever scratch Daniel Craig's balls, because it's full of metal spikes and has an alarm trigger which could make your best friends to kill you.

Betina написал(а):

9.Daniel Craig doesn't need Q. he is a gadget!

Betina написал(а):

11.If Daniel Craig was in Moonraker, he would have taken that Moonraker space shuttle and ride it straight into Hugo Drax's [censored]. Then, he would invite evryone to party in the Bahamas!

:rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl: Истерика :heat:


Еще 13 страниц таких приколов ЗДЕСЬ  :D


а я просто рыдаю над этими приколами: http://forumupload.ru/uploads/0000/1e/57/2667-1.gif http://forumupload.ru/uploads/0000/1e/57/2667-1.gif http://forumupload.ru/uploads/0000/1e/57/2667-1.gif http://forumupload.ru/uploads/0000/1e/57/2667-1.gif чуть живот не надорвала, вот народ стебется  :lol: у них еще какая-то фишка с Чаком Норрисом, не могу понять, к чему. сайт вообще вроде как 007 посвящен  :blink:

Betina написал(а):

Дэниэл Крэйг видит только три цвета - черный, белый и кровь.

Титры к Казино Рояль на самом деле являются списком людей, которые боятся Дэниэла КРэйга. Включая его самого.

Дэниэл Крэйг не блондин. Это ты блондин!!!

На последней страничке Книги Рекордов Гиннесса указано, что все мировые рекорды установил Дэниэл Крэйг а остальные, указанные в списке, только перечень лиц, приблизившихся к его рекорду.

Большая Китайская Стена была на самом деле воздвигнута чтобы удержать Дэниэла Крэйга. Ее оказалось недостаточно.

Вопреки установившемуся мнению, в Британии не демократия, а Крэйгизм.

Время не ждет никого. Кроме Дэниэла Крэйга.

В обычной жилой комнате есть около 1,242 объектов, при помощи которых Дэниэл Крэйг может вас убить. Включая саму комнату.

Дэниэл Крэйг может прикоснуться к МС Хаммеру


BetinaНу  ты и эту бомбу откопала http://s2.rimg.info/56c7c5f8c88c1bcdc1128e7ef2ce9951.gif Убийца :heat:

Отредактировано Balula (2007-05-16 19:32:29)


есть еще подобные про Казино Рояль. вначале написано что-то вроде "Вы пересморели Казино Рояль, если...", и каждый дописывает свою версию, например "...когда я слышу слово "казино" я думаю, что оно относится к фильму".


супер уржалась :lol:


незнала куда воткнуть


On the day that actor Daniel Craig was announced to take over the role of James Bond, the waxwork model of Pierce Brosnan as the secret agent is retired from display by studio workers, at Madame Tussauds, central London, Friday 14 October 2005


Пирса уносят, вот зачем, спрашивается? Мое мнение- надо всех исполнителей роли Бонда оставлять в музее мадам Тюссо навсегда. Ведь скоро в музее будет  фигура Крейга,а закончится у него контракт и мы увидим точно такую же печальную картину!


Элен написал(а):

закончится у него контракт и мы увидим точно такую же печальную картину!

Пусть лучше нам отдадут.Хоть как-то утешат больных людей.


NoWorries написал(а):

Пусть лучше нам отдадут.Хоть как-то утешат больных людей.

я думаю, нам его сохранить не удастся, он просто расстает от жара наших горячих тел сердец  :heart:  :D


Betina написал(а):

я думаю, нам его сохранить не удастся, он просто расстает от жара наших горячих тел сердец

А мы будем осторожнее.Правда после каждого использования придется в холодильную камеру уберать,но это уже мелочи :D




ВЕТРЕННАЯhttp://forumupload.ru/uploads/0000/1e/57/2667-1.gif Какой-то он тут груууустный! :lol:


NoWorries написал(а):

Какой-то он тут груууустный

зато ресницы  охохо


ВЕТРЕННАЯ написал(а):

зато ресницы  охохо

Да уж.


ВЕТРЕННАЯ написал(а):

NoWorries написал:
Какой-то он тут груууустный
зато ресницы  охохо

вот этот шарж лучший супер браво и такой грусный даже жалко и реснички :good:


Balula не могу не согласиться.Кстати,он тут на Путина чем-то похож.


NoWorries написал(а):

Кстати,он тут на Путина чем-то похож

Ой тока не надо ...хотя типаж такойжеhttp://forumupload.ru/uploads/0000/1e/57/2667-1.gif

Отредактировано Balula (2007-05-20 00:03:30)


Balula ты меня вот этим


тока не надо

Рассмешила ещё на ближайшие 20 минутhttp://forumupload.ru/uploads/0000/1e/57/2667-1.gif


Balula написал(а):

Ой тока не надо

Это как это не надо?




ярыдаль.суперhttp://forumupload.ru/uploads/0000/1e/57/2667-1.gif http://forumupload.ru/uploads/0000/1e/57/2667-1.gif http://forumupload.ru/uploads/0000/1e/57/2667-1.gif


С Путиным мне больше всего название понравилосьhttp://forumupload.ru/uploads/0000/1e/57/2667-1.gif

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